The five words of the title are recited in the valedictorian speech given at high school graduation by the brainy class nerd Denis Cooverman (Paul Rust from "Semi-Pro"). Denis' colorful best friend, Rich Munsch (Jack T. Carpenter from "Sydney White") has convinced his pal that this is the last chance to say the things he has felt inside.

Rather than looking back with regrets, Denis publicly declares that he has harbored a secret crush on head cheerleader Cooper since the seventh grade. Although they have never spoken, Denis has sat behind Beth in every class, thanks to the simplicity offered by alphabetical order.

Denis is chastised by the principal for his recklessness, but Beth, although embarrassed, finds his gesture touching and sweet. He makes a new enemy in Cooper's muscle-bound, military hopeful boyfriend Kevin (Shawn Roberts).

The bulk of the movie is an extended chase from sunset to sunup, pitting the lovelorn dork and the object of his affection against the psychotic, vengeful boyfriend.

The movie makes some perceptive observations about teenagers trying to figure out who they really are and where they fit in. Cooverman, who played it safe in high school, has a bright future ahead. He is going to Stanford to study pre-med. Cooper, one of the most popular girls in school, realizes that high school was the pinnacle of her life. She accepts that her tomorrows will be ordinary and obscure.

This movie, like the title character, is a tease that offers nothing new and original. There is crude humor in the sight gags and dialogue. The movie is full of stereotypical characters and overused clichés with too many unlikely coincidences. Rust fails to hold up his end of the equation. He is a weak male lead and is too often upstaged by Carpenter in the meatier role of sexually confused sidekick. Panettiere is an adorable teen idol. She looks marvelous strutting her stuff, but spends too much time behind the wheel of her beat-up Cabriolet driving recklessly.

This coming-of-age comedy covers the same ground with similar themes as last year's slightly better "Sex Drive."

Review By:
Keith Cohen "The Movie Guy"